Wanting sex didn’t make me weird or depraved, it made me human.
Neither does having sexual desires and needs. It took me a long time to learn what now feels like common sense: Accepting that I am bisexual doesn’t invalidate my faith. Through this process, I also learned about consent, boundaries, and personal safety. I spent the next few years not only catching up on the sex education I had missed out on, but unlearning the harmful ideas I had about sexuality and my own faith. I sought out resources for sex education that I wish I had much earlier. I began learning from Muslims who wrote and spoke about sex and sexuality with openness. My growing confusion led me to seek out new narratives. I felt like a bad Muslim for wanting a partner that was going to be more loving than the adults around me. I felt like a bad Muslim for having sexual desires. I felt like a bad Muslim anytime I admitted to myself that I liked someone. I would cry because I was so confused about what I was experiencing. I would pray fervently to God for forgiveness. I was discovering my sexuality and simultaneously experiencing immense guilt because I was going against everything I had been taught. Shop for the latest Barbie toys, dolls, playsets, accessories and more today A Barbie Signature Member Exclusive Bubble Cut Barbie just turned 60 and to celebrate, we’re bringing her back. I wasn’t supposed to let a boy touch me, yet there I was, tangled up with one in his room. Discover the best selection of Barbie items at the official Barbie website. And I remember the tidal wave of guilt right after. I felt like there was electricity flowing between us. I remember how good it felt to be wrapped up in someone’s arms like that and feel his lips against mine. I began dating but my upbringing still very much impacted my attraction, with guilt and fear holding me back. I saw the diversity that existed within my own faith and I started getting brave enough to challenge what I was told. When I got to University, things began to change for me. Still, it seemed so taboo to me growing up. For practicing Muslims, Islamic law permits sex between a married couple, and sees it as an act of worship. Historically, Islam is a religion that values sex and sexuality. However, my understanding of my faith was far from accurate. The Islam I was taught was deeply rooted in fear and punishment - and anything to do with sex carried the worst kind of punishments. In my mind, it was all a one way ticket to hell. Because of the countless reminders not to engage with boys in any way, I thought even recognizing that I had feelings and sexual needs was wrong. In a way, my sexuality was stripped from me. We didn’t have crushes, we didn’t kiss anyone, and we definitely didn’t have sex.
I was taught that a good Muslim girl didn’t date.
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